- If you’re a woman in management, some of these frustrations might sound familiar, though I don’t expect that you would publicly announce them to the world.
- I often struggle with feelings of inadequacy, especially in meetings with some of my more dominating colleagues.
- I cannot really be myself at work. One has to perform to expectations and behave in a certain way in order to fit in.
- I always feel guilty. For not being with my kids, for leaving the office ‘early’, for not checking my emails in the evening to keep my projects moving.
- I don’t know if it is that people just don’t listen to what I am saying or they don’t take me seriously.
- I feel stuck and frustrated with how my career is panning out. I am no longer inspired, and honestly, I am not sure what to do next.
- I cannot rely on my team. I am always working overtime to correct their errors or just do the work by myself because that’s the only way to get it done properly.
These are some of the most common concerns and complaints I hear from professional women behind closed doors. These are extremely intelligent and capable women with big goals, ambitions, and eagerness to grow in their leadership position. After hearing their complaints (which takes a while), I usually ask a seemingly innocent question: What do you think you need to resolve problem ‘X’?
And then it comes. I am presented with a ‘shopping cart’ of different skills and abilities they believe they absolutely need as powerful antidotes to all their troubles. Everything from time, team or conflict management skills, coaching techniques to motivate people, to how to effectively convince others, learn patience, control body language, gain trust, deliver bad news, or to create a happy flourishing team that reacts more positively when expectations are raised… Yes, these are real wishes and desires!
These women want skills. Because skills make a great leader. Really? What do you think?
Many HR professionals apparently agree. With a genuine intention of helping women grow in their leadership positions, they produce their catalogues with endless lists of training to choose from to develop any skill imaginable.
Are skills alone the answer?
Don’t take me wrong. Skill training is certainly very valuable. After all, I am a trainer myself and someone who participated in hundreds of different training sessions. But here’s the thing. How many of these training sessions have produced real long-lasting changes? Helped you become a better leader? Contributed to your overall sense of satisfaction and fulfillment at work?
Maybe we got it all wrong…
As someone who has been working with both male and female leaders intensively for many years, I strongly believe that leadership training alone (or any soft skill training for that matter) does not work. It will only take you so far. Even if you have all the skills in the world, you won’t be or feel like a leader.
Leadership is NOT a skill, it’s a way of being. Until you embody leadership from INSIDE OUT, skills will never be enough and you will constantly struggle.
Here are the problems that I see, and the reasons why leadership training often fails.
Leadership is considered an OUTSIDE JOB
We believe that leadership is something that we can just practise and build as a skill, OUTSIDE of ourselves. Like it’s something we can collect. This way of thinking is flawed. It does not take into account the HUMAN who is LEADING. That person is very COMPLEX with their unique personality, style, qualities, strengths, their complex set of beliefs, and behavioral patterns. Leadership is not something that we can develop outside of ourselves. Leadership is an INSIDE JOB.
The female advantage is NOT leveraged in leadership
We model what we believe works best to help us achieve our objectives. Many female executives, especially those working in organisations with predominantly masculine management, believe that if they are to be taken seriously and pursue their career in management, they have to model the type of leadership they observe in their male superiors. Which is, let’s face it, very masculine. They feel they have to push their ‘femaleness’ aside because, in their minds, the ‘feminine’ is perceived as weak and undesirable in a leader. This is tragic not only for the woman who learns to suppress an essential part of her being (with far-reaching consequences) but also for the people around her. It’s the feminine power we now need more than ever, both in organisations as well as in our society, to bring people together, to collaborate and innovate. Companies are only just awakening to the true potential of the ‘feminine’ but are still far away from effectively supporting their female talent to leverage their natural qualities and traits at work.
Having a satisfying life outside of work is NOT considered a priority
The lives of so many female executives revolve primarily around work. In some companies, leaving ‘early’ and pursuing an active life outside the walls of the office is frowned upon, making it even more difficult for the woman to start looking for any kind of work-life balance. This has dire consequences – chronic stress, sickness, anxiety, family issues, just to mention a few. What we often don’t realize is that it’s the life outside of work that can be a powerful energizer and can boost our work performance as a side product.
So, now what?
Let’s address these issues head-on. That’s exactly what I do in my work with female executives and that’s what you can start doing yourself right away. We need to approach leadership holistically. I have identified the following four core areas that every woman needs to work on to grow as a leader. They are the four pillars of my online program SHELeads. As you can see from the diagram, leadership lives at the intersection of these four dimensions.
The leader within
Before you start building skills, you need to start building yourself. Great leadership starts with self-awareness – a deep understanding of who you are. It’s paramount you discover who you are with all that it entails… The bright and shiny side of you with your talents and magic and the ‘not-so-glamorous’ side that is well hidden from view. That’s where your deep-rooted patterns and mental blocks reside. They drive your behavior and often keep you stuck in life. Understanding your patterns makes it easier for you to self-coach yourselves in the moments when it matters. Great leadership starts with self-awareness and is the foundation of real selfconfidence. To be able to lead others, you need to learn to lead yourself first.
The feminine power
What does it mean for you to be a woman leader? Do you understand your own biases around women in management? Are you leveraging the subtle powers of your ‘feminine-self’ in your leadership? How connected are you to your ‘inner woman’? Have you ever wondered how your hormones impact your performance? These are good questions to get you started. I also recommend that you explore the polarity within you, your masculine and feminine energies and see how well (or not) you’re able to express them in your leadership. This is important because whether you like it or not, there is an impact. Not only on your performance and leadership style but also on your mental and physical wellbeing!
The work-life balance
When working in high-pressure environments, work can quickly start dominating your life. If you feel that could be your case, perhaps it’s time to ask yourself some questions. How do you prioritize when everything is top urgent? Do you have sources of joy outside of work? Have you considered how your lifestyle choices and habits impact your life and work performance? What is your personal definition of work-life balance? What would it look like if you achieved that balance? Is there anything you can do right away to live a more balanced life? Do you have the right tools and strategies to help you?
The influencer
Your influence has a lot to do with how well you know yourself and can regulate your reactions and behaviours. In parallel to gaining self-awareness (as mentioned earlier in this article), you can start developing your influencing skill set. As a leader, you want to have the ability to positively influence others. For that, you’ll need a basic understanding of human psychology and dynamics. For instance, do you know what drives hu- man behaviour? What makes people tick? How could you motivate them so that they do their best work? How do you build bridges of communication with people instead of tearing them down? Do you understand your communication style and how it impacts the people around you? How comfortable are you dealing with people you consider ‘difficult’? Do you know what your emotional triggers are? How do you react in situations of conflict? Are you an influencer or a manipulator? How effective are you in conveying your ideas? As an influencer, you will need to find answers to all these questions.
As you can see, leadership is NOT just a skill, it is a way of being. You need to embody leadership from INSIDE OUT. I like to think of it as a journey, a very scary journey but at the same time deeply satisfying. I hope this article provided you with some interesting food for thought and some actionable tips for your journey to being the leader you always dreamt of being.
If I can be of any help, please get in touch! I have tons of FREE resources on my website and I will be very happy to help you navigate through your specific leadership challenges. Wishing you the best of success!
By Alena Huberova
Trainer | Speaker | Founder of SHELeads
Helping Women Become Inspiring Leaders,
Powerful & Feminine
www.alenahuberova.com
alena@alenahuberova.com
ABOUT ALENA HUBEROVA
Through her signature online program SHELeads, Alena helps female executives build self-confidence, find their voice and lead their authentic way.
She has a professional background in Sales, Marketing and Communication in a variety of sectors including IT, Travel and Tourism, Wellness and Beauty. She has trained in a wide range of disciplines including Emotional Intelligence and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). She lived and worked in 5 different countries across Europe and Asia.
Amongst her achievements is speaking at the TEDx UNYP 2017 conference, winning second place in the 2018 Czech National Championship of Public Speaking, and in collaboration with Presenation.com, coaching X.GLU, a team from the Czech Technical University to win the world title at the Microsoft Imagine Cup 2017 in Seattle, USA.
AlenaHuberova.com